Saturday, October 11, 2008
Hard Time.
Hard Time.
My feeling towards my family is hard to describe by words. I am sad, I am helpless, I am suffer and much more feeling. I wish but I couldn’t cry. I felt liked I don’t know to cry already. Reality is cruel. I felt liked my family was struggling to live just liked a puppy which fell into water without people who can help it up. People with ill-conditioned will look down on you or even be a mischief-maker if you are poor.
More and more stepping into the community, more and more I wish to step backward. More and more know about reality, more and more I doesn’t wish to regain consciousness.
Daddy told me when he was still alive, he said, there’s a mirror placed right at the entrance of a museum (I’ve forgotten which country), written on the top, the most horrible animal in the world. It’s true. Daddy taught me a lot of life’s lesson, he leaded me to the right way; he taught me never insulting people just for self benefits. My good daddy, he is not with us now but will be always stay in our heart.
Mummy hand injured and recovering, she work with hurts rather than begging peoples to help. She is happy when I and brother were with her. She was feeling a great loneliness when brother and I not in. She fell sick, absent from work today. She fell asleep in living hall when I was doing my stuff. I stare at her thinking a lot of things when I realized she slept, worrying about her health. I was so afraid to lose her no matter under what condition. Unconsciously, I fear she fall asleep beside a proper sleeping hour as she always said that here and there not feeling well. I don’t know what I am fear but I am feared (maybe, I know). I am really feared.
I am exactly under depressed. Payment bill was out, RM2090, 20th of October will be the deadline, my Public bank account still left RM 800++, my salary was under payment for 4months plus, I asked my agent, she said get back to me, with no news, I am waiting, PTPTN last payment haven’t get into my account. Result will be coming out on 18th of October, resit fees increase to RM75/subject, I am a self-confident left out person, I expected to fail more or less 4 subjects. Mummy told me, house rental haven’t pay, water and electricity bill was always owing, her living fees was not enough and bla bla bla… I am as weak as water, helpless. I wish to hide in a small corner which no one can found me. I wish to cry actually but I seems liked don’t know the way.
I just hope everything will be getting well soon.
More and more stepping into the community, more and more I wish to step backward. More and more know about reality, more and more I doesn’t wish to regain consciousness.
Daddy told me when he was still alive, he said, there’s a mirror placed right at the entrance of a museum (I’ve forgotten which country), written on the top, the most horrible animal in the world. It’s true. Daddy taught me a lot of life’s lesson, he leaded me to the right way; he taught me never insulting people just for self benefits. My good daddy, he is not with us now but will be always stay in our heart.
Mummy hand injured and recovering, she work with hurts rather than begging peoples to help. She is happy when I and brother were with her. She was feeling a great loneliness when brother and I not in. She fell sick, absent from work today. She fell asleep in living hall when I was doing my stuff. I stare at her thinking a lot of things when I realized she slept, worrying about her health. I was so afraid to lose her no matter under what condition. Unconsciously, I fear she fall asleep beside a proper sleeping hour as she always said that here and there not feeling well. I don’t know what I am fear but I am feared (maybe, I know). I am really feared.
I am exactly under depressed. Payment bill was out, RM2090, 20th of October will be the deadline, my Public bank account still left RM 800++, my salary was under payment for 4months plus, I asked my agent, she said get back to me, with no news, I am waiting, PTPTN last payment haven’t get into my account. Result will be coming out on 18th of October, resit fees increase to RM75/subject, I am a self-confident left out person, I expected to fail more or less 4 subjects. Mummy told me, house rental haven’t pay, water and electricity bill was always owing, her living fees was not enough and bla bla bla… I am as weak as water, helpless. I wish to hide in a small corner which no one can found me. I wish to cry actually but I seems liked don’t know the way.
I just hope everything will be getting well soon.
Precious you
12:08 AM |