the third year's Ching Ming.
6.30am-woke up from sleep. I am dizzy all the way some caused by menstrual and also not enough sleep as I only able get to sleep around 4am in the morning.
7.30am-1st uncle picked us up to his home while waiting for 2nd uncle from bangsar. My stomach was painful on that time, suffering. Drank Milo and have some pain killer with warm water. It could comfort me for a little. We start our journey to graveyard around 8am. There was a serious traffic jam. We go for grandpa at 1st. The 1st time I am feeling so weak. Done the pray then we continue our journey to grandma and papa side. At last, we decided to have our brunch because of cant stand to the jam and also hungrier.
Here, I saw something which tears my heart apart. I had missed papa so much. Papa was just so same with two of my uncles till seeing them will be always reminding me of papa. 1st uncle was chit chat with my cousin, his daughter. The word, the sound, the action, gave me an illusion-liked I could able to see right in front of, papa was doing all that always also by my side last time. I can felt my eyes getting wet. I know I am going to tears. After finish our brunch, we continue to the graveyard which mention just now. I fall asleep inside the car as the car flow was just without moving.
We reached to the familiar place finally. There was so crowded. Eyes were suffering by the smoke from combustion; but it does help me to tears unknowingly. This day we were not searching so hard then can get two places for praying purpose. One for grandma, another one for papa. It was freaking hot over there, skin just liked burning.
Went without uncle and their family the feeling was just fine, because that way would not recall my memories. Continuous three years, every years, I will felt sad because last time papa will be the one who bringing us doing all this. (Go to the graveyard praying, what we have to do, and the main thing-papa was bringing us to pray grandpa and grandma last time; and now, we were praying him.) I still remember how the way daddy pampers me is. I was acting liked a spoiled brat, wanting loves and cares in daddy arms. I was a very little girl that time, with a light weight, daddy brings me up to view grandma photo up on the rack as I can’t get to view it just by my height, daddy told me all about grandma, I remembered hardly. As the weather will be freaking hot every time Ching Ming, me and bro will always making noise wanted ice-cream treated by daddy. I was just passing by the ice-cream stall just now. My tear was invisible, *because it is dropping deep inside my heart.* How I am going to let go as the memories was followed me so closely? ='(
This year Ching Ming more shows to me my sadness. I am just a helpless girl always. I was just a girl which lost daddy, for three years already. I was just…
Missed papa*
Needed papa*
Wanted *LOVES & CARES*
Baby elephant.
30.03.2008
Precious you
1:51 PM |
Saturday, March 29, 2008
changes.
i personal prefer 2nd semester, the close feeling were there.
*hope everything get to solve soon.*
Precious you
1:30 PM |
Precious you
1:05 PM |
Sunday, March 23, 2008
我的生活
Precious you
7:47 PM |
helpless baby elephant.='( papa..
People really doesn’t know any single thing anymore when can get into hibernate? Why life so tiring? Every week, I hope to get good or happy news when home. But then what will be send into my ears my mind was just worries and unhappy. Why? Is it that hard? I kept my positive mind. But what is actually going on? I was tired. I felt my tired all the way.
~> no money no life <~ this is reality, chasing me. Papa, I did miss you much. Teach me what to do? I dreamed of you, I think you hope to see me with no worries and happy always. What if I can’t stand? What shall I do?
Gohgoh dreamed of something. I worried. He said, he dreamed I gave him a call, told him mummy gone. What is a worst dream? Everything will be fine? Mummy’s health was my worries. She did always claim to me said that she not feeling well with her heart, her breathing problem. Today, she felt her head stretching. I can massage her when I’m by her side. What if I’m not around? Papa passed away under a serious stroke. Under a lot of life’s stress, he got a stroke. The stroke damaged his brain and he passed away. I lost my dearest daddy for a life time. I could never see him anymore in my life. The life’s stress left on mummy. She can stand? I worry high blood pressure haunted her, I worry she will get stroke as daddy last time, I always will do. How to go on? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? =’(
Precious you
7:15 PM |
Friday, March 21, 2008
苦.
所以, 人, 千万千万要提醒自己, 永远不能错.
苦, 原来是三个十字架压了在口. 不被理解, 有苦自知.
我眼很浅, 哭了.
Precious you
1:19 PM |
Saturday, March 15, 2008
an unselfish love.
This day, I went to support kai wen on the real stage again. I saw something precious. [An unselfish love.] His parents, was always there no matter I first went to support him or second went. His parents was always there for him no matter when, no matter they are working or non-working. The power of love, love from parents towards their children. It is so unselfish. Parents can pay for everything as long that is for their children. Protect them; love them with heart and soul.
Kai wen's daddy mummy love towards him touched my heart, and so do touched many of the people’s sense. God bless kai wen can get into higher stage. He chasing his dream, he is now shining liked a star. We are glad because of him.
Kai wen, our superstar, must add oil harder ya~ =)
Precious you
5:37 PM |
给dada。
Precious you
12:48 PM |
my life.
i've failed two subjects for my 2nd semester. account failed as expected, get F. marketing failed as UNEXPECTED, get C-. gosh, get more few markhs then should be can passed already. sigh. having three subjects in this semester, resit two subjects, totally five. FIVE, the number can stress me hell. short semester, next week having mid term exam.
study study study > . < ! i want to get into 2nd year!
i have started as a part-time promoter two weeks ago. olympus camera promoter. weekday was my college day and weekend was my works day. tired. family financial cant maintain stability already, i really do not hope i cannot get to pay my tuition fees in college. i want to continue my study. i want to graduate. everything will be going well? i hope.
can get into very upset very sudden recently. what is actually going on?
my life, good or bad? good and bad along. *balancing*
Precious you
12:08 PM |
Thursday, March 06, 2008
baby elephant's pray.
I am afraid. I am actually really afraid about my health. Maybe I've think too much. But that is a fact there only I will be afraid, uncle’s sick. Uncle went for medical check-up under an internal bleeding. When the report was out, he got blood cancer. I am having an internal bleeding same as uncle. Just that it will only be at some time, not every time. When the sometime was come, it will be very often.
I have not gone for a medical check-up. I do not know what I am thinking, but I know I am afraid to lose anything with me now. I will be worry I got any sick with my body, really worry. If anything on me, Mummy will? I will lose something? I had found my happiness, God, you are kind. Please, please ever last this happiness for me, please do not keep this back, and please do not keep this away from me. I please you. Thanks. I would not will to lose him, I would not will to lose this happiness which he gave me hardly, I would not will! I want with him forever and ever, he was the one in my heart who for marry. Maybe my thinking seems to be silly, child, but it is real. I will follow this guy always, would not change. So please, please allow me a healthy body. I will be really thankful.
I do not want to make worry. I do not want to burden mummy. I do not want. I hope everything will be fine. Daddy, you look after me? Up there? Some time, I would confuse whether papa existed before? Whether papa really left me? Whether… papa, you know. I do miss you much much much and much. Every time, I will not realize, my tears dropped. You know.
papa's baby elephant.
helpless baby elephant.
06.03.2008
Precious you
1:15 AM |